Monday, June 6, 2016

I Forgot My Heart

There was a New Moon on Saturday June 4, 2016. You may or may not have noticed. Before the New Moon I read 'NEW MOON in Gemini + Grand Cross June 4th 2016~' thinking that regardless of how accurate this stuff is I could be more aware of where the overall focus and energy will be. I still wasn't prepared. I discovered just how disconnected I have been from my heart for quite some time.

The lesson I was faced with was to revisit my past for one day. See who I was, and how easy it could be to fall backwards when we haven't acknowledged our heart. You see, I fall victim to my own intellect. I use my logic to protect my heart and to try to make sense of my inner knowing and I neglect my heart. I spent Sunday exhausted and thinking only of how much I had denied my own heart the honor of mourning the pain of a tremendous loss of a love that had evolved beyond my preconceived expectations. My logical brain has completely made peace with it but this weekend my heart needed to feel heard and feel heard only by me.

If you haven't completely healed something, if you're avoiding something or armoring yourself it will come back and you will be forced to face it until you can no longer deny anything about how you once felt, or how deeply you have been affected. It just won't go away until you face it. You may feel raw, vulnerable, like you've been split open and all you know how to do is bleed, but it has to be done.

Oddly enough, a former instructor and someone I consider a mentor posted this image on Facebook: 

She recommended this as part of understanding the mind-heart-body connection. Someone else summarized the book by saying, "The main take away for me from this book was that one should let their heart guide their brain and not the other way around." So obviously I'm adding this book to my immediate wishlist. 

In Chinese medicine I'm a Yang Earth and the expression of Earth is singing. Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah came on my Pandora today and I have decided that my new favorite healing dream is to be able to sing this song somewhere dark where you can't see the audience because of the bright light. It would be terrifying but so exciting. Isn't it funny how much peace you can get my exploring things that scare you but you know you need to do them? Once you do you have peace and a new layer of healing has completed.

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