Sunday, August 21, 2016

Honey, Horses and Mugwort

As I brew my special cup of Sunday morning coffee infused with cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and clove I ponder the stillness Sunday mornings bring and how creativity seems to be born from a place of stillness. When we are still long enough to tune in to our natural rhythm new ideas and insights are born.

Stirring raw honey into my coffee pulls me into a gentle trance and I begin to miss my dreams from the night before. You see, when I was a little girl we had horses and I dreamt about riding a horse that was gifted to me most of the night.

My mother broke and raised horses in the years before she met my father and she taught me how to ride. As early as 1st grade I knew how to ride bareback with no reins! Throughout my life my parents bred Pit Bulls to Yorkshire Terriers and they were Falconers for a few years. I have had various birds, cats, dogs, hamsters and iguanas and none of these experiences came close to what it's like to have a horse love you. There is a free-spirited companionship that is unmatched.
My mother had an Arabian horse named Alfie who's coloring was similar to this one. - Lily James from the set of Cinderella -Image captured:

Trust is something that can't be convinced or manipulated with words but created and built with actions, behaviors, and energy. You both have to learn to get to know one another, how the other thinks and where the boundaries lie for both of you. The fruition of this partnership is intoxicating. The rush you feel when you lower your body and nudge the horse in a way to let them know they can let loose as if they are free allows you both to feel free. You feel the exhilaration of this animal tapping into it's truest power and wild potential with grace and ease. I remember moments of shutting my eyes in order to process the intensity of the experience and opening them only to realize I had nothing to fear but loss of control over myself and knowing when to manage any changes in speed or movement which is what the horse trusted me to do. This taught me the beauty and ease of a working partnership better than anything. I remember feeling like I was betraying or punishing the poor soul whenever I would put a saddle on him for competitions or practical riding. Later in life I took up body building as another form of body meditation and to channel that burn you get in your thighs after hugging this magnificent creature for hours at a time. It wasn't the same but it was fulfilling in its own way.

So after all these years why did I dream about a horse being given to me by one of my beloved mentors from previous years? I was able to jump on the horse bareback, no reins and we took off and I was swept into my memories from childhood. When the horse and I weren't together I was naked and vulnerable but no one noticed or cared. Some people were naked too. People were everywhere and I just wanted to get back to my horse and release him from his containment. I was so frustrated it woke me up. This is what happens when you experiment with Mugwort essential oils before going to bed - VIVID dreams. Do not expose yourself to any Mugwort if you are having nightmares!

Monday, June 6, 2016

I Forgot My Heart

There was a New Moon on Saturday June 4, 2016. You may or may not have noticed. Before the New Moon I read 'NEW MOON in Gemini + Grand Cross June 4th 2016~' thinking that regardless of how accurate this stuff is I could be more aware of where the overall focus and energy will be. I still wasn't prepared. I discovered just how disconnected I have been from my heart for quite some time.

The lesson I was faced with was to revisit my past for one day. See who I was, and how easy it could be to fall backwards when we haven't acknowledged our heart. You see, I fall victim to my own intellect. I use my logic to protect my heart and to try to make sense of my inner knowing and I neglect my heart. I spent Sunday exhausted and thinking only of how much I had denied my own heart the honor of mourning the pain of a tremendous loss of a love that had evolved beyond my preconceived expectations. My logical brain has completely made peace with it but this weekend my heart needed to feel heard and feel heard only by me.

If you haven't completely healed something, if you're avoiding something or armoring yourself it will come back and you will be forced to face it until you can no longer deny anything about how you once felt, or how deeply you have been affected. It just won't go away until you face it. You may feel raw, vulnerable, like you've been split open and all you know how to do is bleed, but it has to be done.

Oddly enough, a former instructor and someone I consider a mentor posted this image on Facebook: 

She recommended this as part of understanding the mind-heart-body connection. Someone else summarized the book by saying, "The main take away for me from this book was that one should let their heart guide their brain and not the other way around." So obviously I'm adding this book to my immediate wishlist. 

In Chinese medicine I'm a Yang Earth and the expression of Earth is singing. Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah came on my Pandora today and I have decided that my new favorite healing dream is to be able to sing this song somewhere dark where you can't see the audience because of the bright light. It would be terrifying but so exciting. Isn't it funny how much peace you can get my exploring things that scare you but you know you need to do them? Once you do you have peace and a new layer of healing has completed.