Monday, July 29, 2013

Creative Cleanse

survive vs. createby ~HarlowPhotography

A few months ago I challenged myself to commit to days of writing for 21 days in a row as part of an assignment for my Psychology of Addiction class in an effort to learn how to replace an unhealthy habit, (procrastination), with a productive one. I learned more from my "relapse" than my actual writing because I realized what it was that would make me procrastinate. I was so proud and excited that I went 33 days after starting over (post-relapse) of writing consistently. What I realized during this process was that it wasn't enough time to gain a greater idea of my greatest passion. Or maybe it proved that I have multiple passions and I just need to figure out a way to integrate them into one cohesive mix. I mean, I am the glue but what does that mean for me and my future?

The other day I came across this blog, Creative Rehab: The Beginning is Near where she made a commitment to create something every single day for 365 days in an effort to cleanse herself of the past and work towards her future while remaining present in recognizing the beauty in each day and documenting it.
      They say you have to vomit first, vomit your demons and your rage, your mediocre beasts, vomit the sinner and the saint and all duality, vomit your ego and your bruises, ’til the house gets so clean, there’s nothing, no one left—but you.

     Just like we detox our body from years of malnourishment, and we agonize as all the toxins in the underworld say their goodbyes and leave our system, so it is the case not only with our minds but with the way we face our lives. Our modus operandi for anything is the same as for everything.

Alright, fair enough but it seems all I have done is purge and the more I purge the deeper the layers seem to get so it seems to me that at some point it's time to begin rebuilding new layers. It seems reasonable to know when you're ready to do that without sacrificing the work of detoxing, right? I mean, if I was going to do a physical detox I would still nourish my body with healthier foods and supplements so why not begin nourishing my mind, heart, and spirit with nourishment? 
Another thing I need to remember is to be patient with myself and my journey. There was another excerpt from the above mentioned blog that really struck me:

      Didn’t we, as children, have to crawl before we got up on our feet? Crawling is one of life’s mandatory and most necessary homework assignments. So get over your adult lies and down on your knees. The floor is beautiful. 

That's the thing though, I was never allowed to crawl as a baby! I was punished if I touched the floor and was forced to learn to walk at four months. Imagine how that affected how my brain developed... No wonder I have spent my life trying so hard to skip the steps and growing impatient and remaining lost and confused during the crawling phases... I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO CRAWL!
So my main goal with this project is to learn how to crawl. I am constantly grasping for solid objects around me to stabilize and support me because I was never given the opportunity to learn about and develop my core strength; no wonder I'm all over the place! This is my chance so I'm taking it. What better way to harness my focus and talents than by doing what I love most and am most passionate about, art and creative expression!

 I will commit to an image and writing around a minimum of 75 words a day unless I take the picture, then I will keep the words simpler. I will document this journey on my Tumblr account as I believe that it's the most appropriate setting for this type of a project. I figure I'm less likely to relapse since I would have to start over with 365 more days ahead of me! Yikes! I guess starting now means my last goal was effective in working out my procrastination issues. Ha! 

May the force be with me!!

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